Welcome to the parent section of our website. We recognize that most parents are at a loss to identify whether or not use is occurring, and if it is, how to talk with their teen about drug use.

The following suggestions were provided by the website parents, the anti drug, a government organization committed to aiding parents.

 

Parents:

The major reason you have to have a conversation with your child about drugs and alcohol is because your kids need to be educated by you. They need to hear from their parents that teen drug and alcohol use is not condoned in your family. They need to learn from their parents about the consequences of drug and alcohol use. Most importantly, they need to be held accountable for their actions with drugs and alcohol use.

 

What happens if you suspect that your teen is already using alcohol and drugs? What do you say to them? The conversation is the same: parents need to tell their kids that drug and alcohol use by teens is not allowed in your family.

 

The issue won't go away until you do something. You will get to the point where you can't deny that the problem exists. You'll have a continuous nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach. You will simply have to acknowledge that your child has a problem ” your child is using drugs and that won't get any better until you take action on your child's behalf. It is OK to ask for help. In fact, getting help may make it easier for you to have the conversation.

 

Working with Your Spouse Beforehand
Sometimes the beginning of a conversation is harder than the middle ” that dreaded conversation with your spouse or partner during which you acknowledge that you know your child has a problem with drugs or alcohol. That is a pretty profound conversation and is often laden with sadness, anger and regret. Denial plays a big part in that first conversation, as does finger-pointing. Neither reaction is helpful. The most important thing you can do is move on and figure out what you both can do to help your child.

 

This is a time for you and your spouse or partner to establish rules and consequences for your child if he or she uses drugs or alcohol. The rules should be simple: no drug or alcohol use by teens will be allowed in your family. The consequences should be straightforward and meaningful to the teen. Don't go to extremes in setting consequences ” choose those that you are able to carry out.

 

Practice the conversation with each other ahead of time. You may have to have a couple of œpractice runs. These conversations are not easy but they are worthwhile. Talking it over with your spouse/partner beforehand will help you keep a level head and speak to the issue

 

Make Agreements with Yourself
Tell yourself that you won't œlose it with your child. Anger and hostility won't get you anywhere in this conversation. Stay as calm as possible. Remember, you are the parent and you are in charge. Be kind, simple, and direct in your statements to your child. Above all, remember to tell your child that you love him or her! The conversation will not be perfect ” no conversation ever is. Know that you are doing the right thing for your child. That's what matters most!

 

Here are some suggested things to keep in mind when you talk to your child:

• Tell your son or daughter that you LOVE him/her, and you are worried that he/she might be using drugs or alcohol;
  
• You KNOW that drugs may seem like the thing to do, but doing drugs can have serious consequences;
  
• It makes you FEEL worried and concerned about them when they do drugs;
  
• You are there to LISTEN to them;
  
• You WANT them to be a part of the solution;
  
• You tell him or her what you WILL do to help them.
  
• KNOW that you will have this discussion many, many times. Talking to your kid about drugs and alcohol is not a one-time event.

Parents Section

Dealing With the Problem as a Family

 

Recognizing and dealing with a drug or alcohol problem will undoubtedly require the entire family's attention and participation in solving the crisis. This is a time for families to band together without judgment and work toward the best solution for the entire family. At this point, everyone's emotions are certainly high. The family unit has most likely already experienced disruption by the behavior of the substance-using teen. Some family members will most likely be very angry with the user's behavior. The goal here is to gather the forces to acknowledge the problem, address the problem, and work toward a solution for the entire family.

 

Acknowledge the Problem

This is the time to speak with key family members and let them know that your teen has a drug problem. Be honest, open, and simple in your approach. There is no need to go into extraordinary detail: a straightforward statement of the problem is sufficient. Be clear on what you need from them: support, understanding, a non-judgmental attitude, as well as any other specifics you think are necessary to get your point across.

 

Assess the Problem

The goal here is to find out what your options are. Does your teen need help from a professional? Is there a trusted teacher, school counselor, family doctor, or faith leader that you can turn to for advice? Should your teen go to a treatment center? What resources do you need to ensure that your teen stops using drugs or alcohol? Are you aware of the resources in your community such as drug prevention coalitions? Be sure that your assessment of the problem includes checking in at several points to ensure that you are not covering it up and denying its existence.

 

Work Toward a Solution

This is where you make a plan of action. You have gathered the information and recognize you have a problem; you have learned how to handle the problem; now you must decide on an action plan that works for you and your family. Put your plan in writing ” it will help you in the future to be clear about the direction you are taking. Engage your child in developing the plan. Help your teen become responsible for his/her actions by participating in the rule-making process. Many families develop a contract that both parents and children sign. The symbolism of signing a contract gives both parties a heightened sense of commitment to the process.

 

 

Help For Divorced or Single Parents

 

If you are a parent who is single, divorced, or separated, raising your teenager may bring additional challenges. If you know or suspect that your teenager is using drugs, you may want to reach out to your extended family and friends for help with this problem. Although difficult, you may also need to talk with your ex-spouse, or the child's parent, in order to create a consistent plan for establishing and enforcing a no-tolerance drug policy.

 

Firmly and warmly make it very clear that he or she will not tolerate drug or alcohol use by your teen. Identify the consequences if he or she does use. All parents find it hard to set and enforce rules, but it's particularly hard for single parents who are hesitant and don't want to disrupt the balance of the relationship with their teen. For these parents, it might help to commiserate with your teen. For example you could say, I know it's difficult that I have to make these rules. But I wouldn't be a good parent if I didn't take care of and protect your safety.

 

Also remember to be available to listen if your teen is having difficulties dealing with your divorce. Use consistent discipline in your home and attempt to communicate with your child's father/mother in order to continue to enforce the same rules in both households. Make clear rules about curfews and be consistent about asking your teen which friends he/she is hanging out with. Be particularly attentive about knowing where your teenager is after school, especially if you are working long hours. Lastly, continue to help your child grow his/her relationships with grandparents, cousins, uncles, and aunts in order for him/her to have valuable role models besides yourself.

Signs and Symptoms of drug use

 

We will list these symptoms, with a word of caution. When reviewing these symptoms, keep in mind that no "one" symptom is the "smoking gun". Rather, look at these symptoms in relation to previous behaviors. For instance, a drop in grades can be indicative of use, unless the adolescent has always struggled in school. The reason for being listed is that most students who are using mood altering chemicals, begin to see a declining academic performance. Use these symptoms as a guide to recognizing potential use.

 

Change in Attitude & Persona: does your child seem to be a different person, has their mood, demeanor, attitude, and personality changed? Because teenagers go through a lot of change during adolescence it is common for parents to assume that this is normal teenage behavior. Changes in attitude and personality alone don't necessarily indicate drug use, but look at this in light of the other signs/symptoms discussed below.

 

Dramatic Changes in Appearance: radical changes in the style of clothes, hairstyles, and music as well as tattooing and body piercing are signs of rebellion. Ask yourself, is your child making significant changes to their appearance to just to fit in with their peers? This can indicate that your child has significant acceptance and approval issues that place them at risk. Coloring their hair to a weird color, application of heavy makeup, and dressing down to fit in with friends are all signs that you child is giving into peer pressure. This can be a warning signal that your child is at risk for succumbing to peer pressure when it comes to using drugs.

 

Lack of Motivation/Interest in School: it is common for kids who are using drugs to lose interest in school and for grades to start dropping. This is a particularly significant sign for kids who have previously been actively involved and performed well in school. It is also important for parents to not assume that because a child continues to do well in school that they are not experimenting with drugs. Some kids who are fairly heavily involved with drugs can cover it up pretty well and it does not always show up in their grades right away. Again, look at the total picture with your child.

 

Avoiding the Family: Is your child spending less and less time with the family? Has the child stopped participating or lost interest in family activities that they once enjoyed? Does your child seem distant? Is your child spending more and more time in their room? When you ask your child about what they are up to, do you get a vague reply? These are signs that your child is hiding something from you and the rest of the family.

 

Mood Swings: During adolescence, some mood swings are normal. At this stage of their lives, kids go through a lot of physical and emotional changes. However, wide swings in their moods can be a sign of drug use and/or mood disorders involving depression or bipolar disorders. Does your child's emotions swing up and down constantly? Has your child developed a violent side to his/her personality? Is he/she exhibiting sudden, out of control fits of anger? These all can be signs that your child is using drugs.

 

Sleep Patterns: Does your child frequently stay up late and not get up in the morning at a reasonable time? Has the amount of sleep your child is getting changed from his/her normal patterns - sleeping much longer then normal or much less then normal? Drugs can dramatically effect sleep patterns and habits.

 

Lying/Dishonesty: When kids use drugs or make other non-working choices, they commonly tell lots of lies to cover up their behaviors. They also become very good at manipulating their parents. Teens get very good at covering up their behaviors through lying and manipulation. If you begin sensing that your teen is not telling the truth there is a good probability that your instincts are correct. Drug use is one of a number of non-working behaviors that lead to lying/dishonesty.

 

Skipping School/Tardiness: If your child is getting involved with drugs, there is a strong likelihood that he/she will cut class from time to time. Kids who do this often don't skip school entirely. They will show up in the morning for attendance and then skip out in the middle of the day for awhile. They often will get stoned at a location near the school and may return to class before the end of the day. Parents often make the mistake of assuming that the school will catch these behaviors and notify you. Kids get really good at performing various tricks to cover this up. For example, they will forge notes for doctors appointments, illnesses, etc. It is a good idea for you to check your child's attendance record at school from time to time.

 

Stealing: It is not unusual for kids who are getting involved with drugs to steal from family members. Have you had any instances where money or property has disappeared from family members. Often it won't be large quantities of money, at least initially, but may be small things or amounts of money at first. Shoplifting is also common. Have you noticed any goods showing up in the house, in your teen's room, or clothes you do not remember purchasing? Kids who are stealing also get very good at telling lies like they borrowed these items from a friend. Have any of your teen's possessions disappeared? This could be a sign that he/she is trading them for drugs.

 

Living a Secret Life: Does your child sneak out at night? Have you identified situations in which your child has told you where they were going only to find out that they lied to you and went somewhere else? Does your child sometimes not come home at night or comes home very late well past curfew? When you ask your child about people they hang with do you get a vague answer or avoidance? Are there people who call your child in the middle of the night and you do not know who they are? If you have caller ID, does your child frequently receive calls for which the phone number shows up as unknown? These are all signs of serious non-working behaviors including drug abuse.

 

Appearance of the Eyes: Are your child's eyes frequently red or bloodshot? Do the eyes have a glazed over look? Does your child frequently wear sunglasses, particularly at inappropriate times such as at night or when they are indoors?

 

If you believe there is a problem, and have made a decision to intervene, you can contact us for an evaluation or check out our resources page to see a list of community mental health providers.

Helpful Resource

 

AlcoholScreening.org

Research shows that parents are the single biggest influence on children - if you are worried about your teen and drugs, talk to them.

As parents, we need to talk to young people about drugs and make sure they understand that drugs are dangerous, addictive substances that can ruin their lives and harm their communities.

John Walters

"How much is too much?" Quiz